Valentine’s Day after divorce can be very tough. Valentines Day, is based on you needing some one else to make you feel special. Without some one on your side the feeling of disappointment, anger, blame and self pity may take a hold of you again. Be prepared for them take each feeling and just sit with it for a while. Your feelings are there to teach you something. What lesson do your feeling hold for you? Every event that occurs is an opportunity for us to learn, about ourselves and others. We cannot see anything in others that we don’t already have within ourselves. The more we ourselves for who we truly are, the more we can love others. And it is through the events in our lives, that we learn about where we are not being loving towards ourselves. When we experience events such as cheating, betrayal, disappointment, anger or blame committed by others. The universe is highlighting the traits that we are not loving ourselves for.
This Valentine’s Day after divorce take back your power, through taking the events that you feel are devastating as an opportunity to love yourself more.
Cheating comes in many different forms, you may have wished that they were like someone else you know. You may have fantasied about being with someone else. In your mind you may have created a perfect situation with this other person. It’s always there, you need to have the courage to look and find it.
When it comes to disappointment you will find that you have disappointed your ex and others. It may be that you haven’t been present with them when the situation needed it; you may have said that you will do something that you didn’t follow through on.
Abuse is packaged in many ways, especially today, when so many things that in the past would not have been labelled as abuse, is now considered abuse. In nature the strongest survives and if a weakness is seen in another animal, the weakness is challenged until the animal either gets the strength to fight back, or it dies. Our lives are not too dissimilar, you will be abused until you learn to stand up for yourself. Part of standing up for yourself is also owning the fact that you abuse others or yourself in some way. This is evident in cases where an abused person later is seen to be the abuser by others. Stopping the cycle is a combination of standing up for yourself and owning that you are abusive in your own way.
It is natural to believe that they are the only ones with the “bad” traits and that is what you concentrate on. Allowing yourself to to be reactive to their behaviour is creating a powerless situation for yourself. You own your power, but give it away when you are reactive to the way they are behaving. Owning what you see in them is about taking back your power so that you can create the life that you want and deserve. Marianne Williamson’s quote ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” beautifully sums up how we hid behind taking our power back.
This Valentine’s Day after divorce can be your ideal Valentine and take back your power through owning what you see to be faults in others as faults of your own. Make a list of all the events in your life where you have cheated, disappointed or abused others. The way that you have expressed it may be different, it may be only in your mind that you have created it, but it is there if you are willing and courageous enough to look. This is a challenging exercise but your life and the way you see your ex and yourself will be transformed.
If you would like to move forward with your divorce recovery contact me today for a complimentary coaching session.
Valentine’s Day after divorce