When you go through a divorce or separation there are actually divorce in four areas of your life. And the trauma may extend far beyond the legal papers being signed. Divorce is three-fold and divorce trauma can continue for a significant period long after the papers are signed.
The Legal Divorce
This is the legal process of your divorce, where you involve lawyers and judges. From a monetary perspective this is the most expensive. During this process where there are many arguments as each party states their case, draught parenting plans, settle property and debts. And for some this is the easiest part of the divorce process.
The Financial Divorce
This is where your worldly possessions are split between the two of you. This often means that you will have reduction in your standard of living, because the income is at best halved but the expenses remain largely the same if not increase. You may need to let go of some possessions that you enjoyed having around but did not belong to you, the family home might also need to sold, which can cause anguish for many.
The Social Divorce
This is the splitting or alienation of your friends and your family, ex-family, and can include your children. Coming to terms with the divorce can be as difficult for you as it is for your friends, family, ex-family and your children. They may have a hard time accepting that you are no longer a couple. Some might even harbour the secret hope that you will become a couple again. However, the awkwardness, their secret hopes is all their stuff and they need to work through their feelings as best they can and at their pace. Allow them them to be responsible for their process.
The Emotional Divorce
This is the most challenging part of getting divorce. Your entire life, values system has shifted. You and your ex need to come to terms with what this means for you, as well as rebuilding yourselves as an individual. For most this is an emotionally painful time. In a divorce, there is usually a dumper and a dumpee. Often the dumper has known for quite some time that their marriage is over and in a sense already “checked out”. This “checked out” state can lead to an emotional roller coaster of guilt for what the dumpee may be experiencing, followed by anger and resentment. The leaver may have begun the grieving process months or even years before the actual divorce. The dumpee is often filled with feelings of rejection and denial or disbelief of what has transpired. And unrealistic confidence that they can get their partner back. When they finally begin the emotional divorce process, their emotions can often be hard to control. Depending on the emotional intelligence of both parties it is generally here where they can find themselves caught up in an incredibly irresponsible and mean-spirited process. During and after divorce is a challenging time. It can be a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physically draining. If you haven’t already created a team that covers each of the Divorce I encourage you to create a team which will fully support you during and after your divorce. If you would like support with the Emotional Divorce let me help you “move on” and discover or rediscover yourself so that you can live your life to it’s fullest potential.
If you would like to move forward with your divorce recovery – contact me today for a complimentary coaching session.