Coping during holidays can be very challenging especially if this is your first holiday without your partner or children; it may be one of many but you still feel the pain of what isn’t anymore. Special times of the year are challenging at first, but they do get better. It either gets better because of the time lapse, that you begin to forget what is was like to have Christmas with your ex. Or you can make the conscious decision to redefine Christmas and the holidays for yourself. I hear so many times my clients say that it’s not a normal Christmas anymore. And on one level they are right, but I would like to question the definition of “normal”. If about 50% of marriages fail, this means that 50% aren’t having a “normal” Christmas. Of the 50% that are having a “normal” Christmas are often come from a family that did not have a “normal” Christmas either because of death or divorce.
I’m not saying this to minimise the feelings that are very real, especially if this is the first holidays that are different to you. I’m wanting to point out that you may be living with a fantasy of what a “normal” Christmas is. We grow up with so many idealisms of what life should or shouldn’t be like. And when it turns out differently we beat ourselves up and fight against the reality of what is.
There is no way to happiness – happiness is the way ~ Wayne Dyer
When we say to ourselves, this is wrong it shouldn’t be like this, you keep yourself perpetual stuckness. If you want to have happy holiday seasons then you must be happy at the holidays.
This holiday season I would like you to redefine “normal” for yourself and your new way of life. You have a new normal, and you get to decide what that is going to be! Make a new tradition, create new special moments for Christmas, until you decide that they are no longer working for you anymore. When creating your new traditions include one where you pamper yourself. Go for a special massage, treat yourself to a special sport event.
Be creative and make this holiday season the beginning of new memories for your new life.
If you need assistance coping during holidays, contact me to arrange a complimentary coaching session