divorce adviceI read a blog post about things that make a Breaking up less painful.  The problem with divorce advice given in this blog is that:

  • the focus is on assigning blame
  • doesn’t take into consider individual situations
  • predetermination of the future

The focus is on assigning blame

One part of the advice was to assess what you did wrong in the relationship.  In Australia “no fault” has been around since 1975 – that’s nearly 40 years ago.  Yet, today some still believe that blame needs to be assigned to each partner.  The objective of a relationship is for us to grow through the connection, some times we outgrow the relationship.  It may be hard to believe but on a fundamental level we are here to serve ourselves and we do everything to keep ourselves safe.  We stick around people when we get something from the relationship and then we leave.  This might be a little hard to comprehend as it an entirely different way of looking at what relationship really mean.

Instead of looking at placing blame I urge to look at the lessons, the benefits and blessings that you got from the relationship.  This will move you forward far faster than assigning blame

The divorce advice doesn’t take into consider individual situations

Some advice is given by good intentions.  What makes this divorce advice dangerous  but is based on the advisers previous experience.   Each situation is different and how each person interprets a situation differently.   An hence the generic divorce advice may relate to an entirely different set of variables.

 

Divorce advice predetermines the future

This one is a tricky one because it is difficult to prove it one way or the other.  If I say to you that something is going to take a certain amount of time, then that is unconsciously what you expect.  It reminds me of the story of a mathematics student, who after falling asleep in class woke up when the bell ran, signalling the end of the class.  As everyone was leaving he quickly jotted down the math problem written on the board.  He struggled for days, but finally solved the problem.  It took the professor and all his class mates by surprise that he was able to solve it.  The professor had written it on the board as an example of a complex problem not easily solved.  No one expected him to solve it.

We often get what we expect, if we expect to take a long time to work through the emotions, then that is what you will experience.  I think it is a matter of each individuals choice.