Then, Now, Tomorrow

  This week I’m going to share with you a divorce poem.  Divorce poems as great because they are analogies for the feelings that you are currently feeling.   This one written by an unknown author helps you concentrate on what learnings and growth you can take away from your divorce. Then, Now, Tomorrow Then was the past, Now is the present.  Tomorrow will be the future. Then was memories, both good and bad.  It was friends of old. It was happiness and understanding.  It was failure, success and compromise. You cannot live in the Then.  You must hold onto the good and learn from the bad. You must remember the success and understand the failures. You must use them to grew and become more complete person.   Now is painful.  It is remember the past, no matter how hard you try not to. Now is looking at failures with a piercing mind. Success is hard to measure, or comprehend. Now is recovery, thinking about life.   You have to always live in the Now. Everyday is Now, the present Decisions mad Now will affect your tomorrow. Now is the present. Now is the past. Now is the future. All these things are rolled into one, NOW. Tomorrow is what will become.  Happiness, sorrow, pain and LOVE Will we be happy tomorrow?  No one really knows that, but it can be determined.   Tomorrow is dreams, hopes and prayers.  It is change, for better or worse this change will come. Tomorrow, It must come or life becomes stagnate lil a lifeless pond on the prairie of desolation. Tomorrow is...

Determination

Separation or divorce is challenging.  You might be at the stage, where being able to pick your head up from the pillow each morning can seem to be the hardest thing to do. One of the character traits that you will build as you work through this process, is determination.  Determination to make the changes that you need to make.  Determination that you are willing to go the extra mile to see you ex in a different way.   Determination to build a new life for yourself.  This is easier said than done.  It is very easy to get overwhelmed and slip into a life of acceptance and defeat. When you feel that you have no will and that you just don’t have it in you.  Remember we all have determination build into us,  it’s just a matter of being able to consciously tap into it.   Determination often shows up in areas that you are the most comfortable,  so it’s natural that in your  current situation,  it is challenging to be aware of your innate determination.  You will need to make a conscious effort to remember the events in your life when you have displayed determination.    Keep listing as many as you can think of, the more you list the more you will become consciously aware of how you have determination within yourself. The two words that that undermine your determination are “I can’t ….. ” .  These two words tell you soo much about how you are limiting yourself.  The next time you catch yourself saying “I can’t …”  turn it around and ask yourself  “What if I...

Get a Divorce Team – Don’t do it alone

Often the sign of strength is doing something on your own.  When we look around us and see the many people who have transcended adversity, have not done it on their own, but with a team behind them.  Divorce is no different.  It’s easier with a Divorce Team.  Each member on the team serves a purpose to assist you in working through the challenges of divorce.  If you have to go for surgery you may select a team, or a team may be selected for you to ensure that you have the best care and chance of recovery.  Divorce is no different, with the correct divorce team for your needs you will be able to get over and get on with your life. Who should be on your team, and in what circumstances should you add them to your divorce team?  Most divorcing couples get an attorney or lawyer to assist them in wadding through legal obligations of splitting assets, child support and custody arrangements.  But that is where the role of your attorney or lawyer will probably end.   It is not reasonable to be your best friend during your divorce.  He is there to ensure that the process of your divorce is successful.  In fact, most attorneys are uncomfortable with strong emotions, tears and hand holding their clients.  In fact using your lawyer in this manner will probably only escalate your costs. Create a team of people who can assist you in their particular expertise. Your emotions are one of hardest things to control during and after divorcing.  Yet, out of control emotions causing a high cost is...

Stages of Divorce – Denial

There are stages of divorce which everyone goes through.  Understanding these stages of divorce enables you to be more understanding of yourself and your ex. Stages of Divorce – Denial This is often the stages of divorce which is felt first.  “It’s just a phase, when they begin to miss me, they will come back.“   “We just need a little time apart to sort ourselves out.”  If you are saying this to yourself, you may be experiencing denial.  Denial is a coping mechanism, when you feel vulnerable or that you are losing control.  Short-term denial, gives you time to adjust to the stressful and emotional time that you are experiencing.   It’s okay to say “I can’t think about what would happen if they didn’t come back”.   This gives your mind time to catch up and absorb all the emotions flooding through your body This can be the biggest challenge in a divorce when only one on the couple are wanting to split.  “I still love him/her.  I will try harder, I will be better”  ” I really want to make it work”.   Denial is really about fear; fear that we will be losing something or someone that we have previously felt very dear.  On an unconscious level, we know when we call the elephant in the room, we will need to deal with it.  And so often it is easier to live with the pain that we are currently experiencing than to step out of our comfort zone and grow. But in order for you to get on with your life, you denial can only be a temporary measure...