Divorce is BAD vs Divorce is GOOD

About a week ago I read a article on how divorce is bad, and especially damaging to children.  The article was written by a Psychologist who had based her research on speaking to dozens of children and her experience as a child psychologist for 40 years. At the time of writing this week’s blog there are about 500 comments some for the article and some against.   I’m a little surprised that we are still having this conversation.  Technologically we are so advanced and have overcome so many challenging events in the last decade  or so.    911, later the bombings in Bali, Tsunami’s in 2004 and 2011 to name just a few.   And yet divorce seems to be the thing that is the most “devastating”  thing for a child? Divorce certainly has an affect on the children, grand children and other relatives.  Putting a blanket statement like divorce is bad, itself can be very damaging. We live in an age where the general population has a greater understanding of the term “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with what happens to you”.    Yet this seems to have been forgotten in this study.  There are so many things can affect children. Illness, disease, war, economic struggles.  When we take these life events and make them the reason why we haven’t achieve what we wanted to, we totally disempower ourselves.  I grew up in the eighties, most of my classmates came from divorced families.  I look around at my classmates today, some of them are very successful  and others aren’t, but their success isn’t reliant on...

If only I had known…

Divorce with kids can be very challenging, being prepared is key to creating a better experiencing for all involved.  To illustrate one pit fall of divorce with kids, I’d like to share this story with you: Jordan Jordan seemed to be taking his parent’s divorce well. Jane and Simon were quite agreeable to the custody terms.  Tuesday night’s Oliver, their six year old, had dinner and slept over at Simon’s house.  One Tuesday, while they were having dinner Oliver told Simon that the previous night; he had to go to bed at 7pm and only got a peanut butter sandwich.  This was concerning to Simon, as he knew that Jane was very busy and was dating again, he would need to take it further she was not able to take care of their son.  Oliver forgot to tell Simon the rest of the story, he had thrown a temper tantrum, because he didn’t like what Jane had made for dinner.  Jane was teaching him consequences for misbehaving, and not to be mean.   Simon wanted to make Oliver feel better, so explained that his Mum was probably too busy to make dinner.  Oliver had never heard this before and decided that he was getting in his mother’s way. The next evening when Jane was putting Oliver to bed, he asked her if he was getting in her way.  Surprised by this question Jane asked him why he thought that, and he replied that Simon had.  Jane got angry and even though she tried not to show it, Oliver picked up on it, and decided that he must be a ...