Are you really being a supportive friend?

What does being a supportive friend mean? There are life events where we are make us uncomfortable and unsure how to treat our friends, and one of those is divorce.  Are you unsure  how be a supportive friend?  You are not alone, most people find it uncomfortable with the subject with their friends.  It is often as uncomfortable for the divorcing party, they aren’t sure how to act around you either What should or shouldn’t you say?  What is the acceptable behaviour?  Are you supposed to act like nothing’s happened when your friend.  Do you throw your arms around them  and tell them how sorry you are?  Do you leave self-help books on their doorstep? Instinctively, we want to “fix” the pain of those around us.  As hard as it may seem, “fixing” our friends problem is not being a supportive friend.  Being a supportive friend is more about holding the space for your friend.  There is so much that is said in moments of silence, when we don’t try to fix or change the moment,  just being with the emotions that are being felt and being okay with that. What you must NOT say when being a supportive friend “Why?” This may seem to be the logical question.  Asking “Why”, will make your friend feel that they have to justify their position.  When this happens their defences go up and you may become the enemy. “Who filed?” You might be dying to ask the question – don’t.  It doesn’t matter, and certainly won’t help your friend any better it you knew. “You’re better of with that loser!” This might be also...

Are you experiencing divorce grief?

No one may have died,  but there is a significant loss in terms of your relationship,  this is how a lot of people experience divorce or a relationship breakup. Elizabeth Kubler Ross, an American psychiatrist, pioneered this theory on the phases of grief.  These can be applied to divorce and are known as Divorce Grief phases aren’t necessary experienced in sequence. You may find that you feel that you have gone through a phase and then find yourself feeling the same feeling again.  This is normal so be patient with yourself.   Understanding the divorce grief phases assists you in your recovery.  1. Denial During this phase you may have feelings of shock, disbelief, numbness and sense of emptiness.  You may have a strong urge not speak about what is currently happening, so likely avoid the subject altogether. 2. Anger During this phase you may experience any or all the variations of anger.  From mild irritation, to feeling furious to full blown fury and outrage.  You may direct your anger and yourself, others and inanimate objects.  This is the phase where you will most likely to expressively show your emotions. 3. Bargaining During this phase you may become obsessive and fixated on getting an outcome.  Potentially unrealistic confidence in your ability to control your life.  This phase brings about a desperation to be able to change your current reality. 4.  Depression This phase is when you are experiencing feelings of depression, rather than having the condition “Depression”.  Preceding this phase is the very expressive anger.  During this phase you may begin to feel sad, lonely and helpless.  Your general interest...