Some of the questions addressed in this interview:
Why is divorce support and recovery so important?
Divorce is so widespread, it really affects everyone, if not yourself then it maybe your parents, your siblings or friends. Statistically, about 43% of marriages fail, and this is after 17 years of marriage, impacting a large portion of the population. The average time that people take to make the decision to split is on average 3 years, and to wrap up a divorce takes on average about 2 years. That is a lot of people under a lot of stress. This coupled with the fact that about 40% of divorce involve children under the age of 18, which means that there are often non biological children involved in a separation, adding to the already stressed situation. Most people navigate these events with little or no help or support, it is no wonder that divorce is done so badly. !
Time does heal, but on average the dissolving a marriage take about 5 years, Half a decade of stress and general unhappiness. That’s a long time, too long. I haven’t seen any studies on done any studies on the long term effect of this amount of stress, but we just imagine. I also believe that it’s not that people don’t want support during and after their divorce – they just don’t know how or don’t want to go to years of therapy. !
What is divorce support and recovery exactly?
Divorce or separation is normally the catalyst a momental shift in your life. Basically there are two options that you have in any life changing event, you can with shrink or shine. Shrinking is often the easiest option in the short term, but long term it is the most painful. Shining is harder to do along, it can be like trying to see both sides of a coin, by looking at it from only one perspective. This is where a Divorce Support and Recovery coach comes in, we assist you in assessing exactly where you are, and then look at what you are going to do about it and what you would like your future to look like. !
Why do you say that Divorce is a Gift?
Anthony Robbins talks about 6 core human needs that we all inherently need. They are Certainly, Uncertainly, Significance, Connection and love, Contribution and Growth. As we have evolved we have become less reliant on a partner to meet our core needs. But as Spiritual beings we meet our need of connection and love through our relationships. You often hear people when they get married that they have found their soulmate. And this is really what a relationship is – it is a spiritual journey of learning about connecting and loving. And when that lesson is learnt, the relationship can be released so that we can go on to learning our next lesson. And this is probably the biggest gift that the divorce or separation can give you ~ a time when you can pause and reflect on who you are. You know after being married for a few years you become “WE” and become less and less “ME”. And this is the time when you reflect on when and in what ways you have become “WE”. Untangling this can be really challenging. And is it through these challenges that we receive the 2nd gift of divorce – we discover what we are really made of. I love the quote “The obstacles are in the path, they are the path”. It is through this period where we really find out what we are made of.
A client who had relied heavily on her husband to assist her with her children, as she build her law practice, could see how she would be able to keep it together as a single mother and create a fulfilling career for herself. She surprised herself and all those around her on how well she did. Unless we attempt to do something ourselves we really can’t know if we can do it or not. And we do or have to, we may be very surprised.