Divorce is BAD vs Divorce is GOOD

About a week ago I read a article on how divorce is bad, and especially damaging to children.  The article was written by a Psychologist who had based her research on speaking to dozens of children and her experience as a child psychologist for 40 years. At the time of writing this week’s blog there are about 500 comments some for the article and some against.   I’m a little surprised that we are still having this conversation.  Technologically we are so advanced and have overcome so many challenging events in the last decade  or so.    911, later the bombings in Bali, Tsunami’s in 2004 and 2011 to name just a few.   And yet divorce seems to be the thing that is the most “devastating”  thing for a child? Divorce certainly has an affect on the children, grand children and other relatives.  Putting a blanket statement like divorce is bad, itself can be very damaging. We live in an age where the general population has a greater understanding of the term “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with what happens to you”.    Yet this seems to have been forgotten in this study.  There are so many things can affect children. Illness, disease, war, economic struggles.  When we take these life events and make them the reason why we haven’t achieve what we wanted to, we totally disempower ourselves.  I grew up in the eighties, most of my classmates came from divorced families.  I look around at my classmates today, some of them are very successful  and others aren’t, but their success isn’t reliant on...

Creating Affirmations

Common Mistakes when creating affirmations I thought we would begin with stating some of the errors that are made when creating affirmations: State the affirmation as a desire or something you are striving for e.g. I want to …… State what you don’t want e.g I don’t want… State affirmations that others want you to be, do or have State unrealistic intentions e.g I am a champion skier when you have never seen snow State affirmations as goals Now that you know what you affirmations aren’t lets look at the Seven Steps to creating affirmations Three Simple Steps to Creating Affirmations We can set affirmations in the Seven Areas of life which are:  Spiritual, Mental, Vocational, Financial, Family, Social and Physical.  Ideally you want to create 1 or 2 for each area. Step 1:  Get Started – published is better than perfection The most challenging thing about creating affirmations is often getting started.  I find the easiest way to start is to begin with a list of “I am” statements.  Write down all the empowering thoughts that come to mind,  without any filtering.  Have fun “I am doing what I love”, “I have wealth all around me”, Step 2:  Filtering your thoughts Take a look at your list and now start filtering out what doesn’t work.  Look at each statement and ask yourself: Is this believable? Is this empowering? does it make me feel something? Step 3: Post them all over for you to fully become your affirmations What you do in this step will be personal to you.  These are some ideas where you can post your affirmations...

Are you really being a supportive friend?

What does being a supportive friend mean? There are life events where we are make us uncomfortable and unsure how to treat our friends, and one of those is divorce.  Are you unsure  how be a supportive friend?  You are not alone, most people find it uncomfortable with the subject with their friends.  It is often as uncomfortable for the divorcing party, they aren’t sure how to act around you either What should or shouldn’t you say?  What is the acceptable behaviour?  Are you supposed to act like nothing’s happened when your friend.  Do you throw your arms around them  and tell them how sorry you are?  Do you leave self-help books on their doorstep? Instinctively, we want to “fix” the pain of those around us.  As hard as it may seem, “fixing” our friends problem is not being a supportive friend.  Being a supportive friend is more about holding the space for your friend.  There is so much that is said in moments of silence, when we don’t try to fix or change the moment,  just being with the emotions that are being felt and being okay with that. What you must NOT say when being a supportive friend “Why?” This may seem to be the logical question.  Asking “Why”, will make your friend feel that they have to justify their position.  When this happens their defences go up and you may become the enemy. “Who filed?” You might be dying to ask the question – don’t.  It doesn’t matter, and certainly won’t help your friend any better it you knew. “You’re better of with that loser!” This might be also...

Is Gratitude Really Attainable

 What exactly is Gratitude? There is some much talk about finding things in your life that you can be grateful for.  And on some level you know you “should” show gratitude for everything in your live. This can be exceptionally hard when you are in the midst of maybe the most challenging time of your life.   There seems so little to show gratitude for.  The deeper the emotional time, the deeper you sometimes need to dig to find the gratitude.  The crazy thing is that when we are in emotional highs, we have little need or scope to grow.  Yet when we are in the throws of emotional lows, that’s when we have the potential to grow and stretch ourselves beyond belief emotionally and mentally. Getting to full gratitude is about being  thankful and appreciative when it seems impossible to be thankful and appreciative.  The ” bad” times.  This includes those events which society believe or judges as bad, sad or devastating.    You will experience true gratitude when you are able to appreciate the things that cause you perceived pain.   Life is 50:50, if  you noted  everything that happened you would see that there is an equal number of “pleasure” events as there are “pain” events.   The universe is always maintaining balance.  Some experiences that may seem to only able to cause pain, will later in reflection be a source of great pleasure.   There are so many stories on the web of people who have had adversity and yet over time have been able to find the blessing afterwards.   Amy Purdy is one of these people.  At a...